Anne Sumner 19/07/2021 Anne Sumner 19/07/2021

Birthday spread (celtic cross) 2021

*Original image from the big day itself!*

I need to start out by briefly saying that I am in love with the Tarot. I was enchanted by it the first time I saw it and have been studying and working with it daily for about the last 15 months. The artwork, the symbolism, the mysticism, the myths implied, the structure and inter-relationships and the representation of underlying forces in a spiritual realm that makes absolute sense to me – all these things have brought me joy, and as a spiritual system it’s brought me guidance during a massive period of change in my life. It’s just one of those things I can’t explain, my natural obsession with it. I guess it was just meant to be part of my life.

I realise that reading for oneself is tricky in various ways and that there’s a dual inverse process of the reading and being read at the same time; that being said, I do read for myself all the time and learn what I can, which is masses. This is the spread I drew on my 40th birthday to guide me through the coming year/decade and I wanted to analyse it in some depth. I’m still fairly new to Celtic Cross readings and trying to pick up what I can from various sources to help interpret it – if anyone has alternate readings please post them in the comments, I would love to hear them. This is a long old read for anyone who has the interest – just goes to show how much depth these readings can hold.

Deck used for this is the wonderful Fountain Tarot.

1-2: The Lovers crossed by the 2 of Cups

Quick code: Lovers (Love, decisions, connection) 2 (duality, relating, combined or opposing forces) of Cups (Water: emotions, creativity & spirituality)

I’m really kind of blown away by getting the two “love” cards together like this – it’s the first time I’ve had this as a cross. There are two ways I’ve seen to interpret this and both I think relate to different aspects of my situation at the current time. Firstly to see them as strengthening each other; like a knot of love at the middle of the spread. The Lovers confirmed and exaggerated further by the Two of Cups. That’s like almost an eternal amount of love! It might be self-love or a sense of unity, coming into my own, pulling all my forces together (the Lovers being a card of unity and combination) – I almost see this cross spinning and creating a force-field or centrifugal force at the core of my life that pulls everything else in.

The second way to see it is (maybe more traditionally) as the Lovers crossed by the 2 of Cups. The Lovers clearly being myself (endlessly loving, tapping the endless flow – and as Crowley says the Lovers representing the twins of Gemini, which is my sun sign) and the 2 of Cups often being referred to as the Minor Arcana “version” of the Lovers – that I’m capable of extreme love but limited in my conception of it, in what I will allow, to the smaller more mundane (yet still bountiful and wondrous) version of love.

Takeaways: focus on allowing love to flow, meditate on its deeper meaning. Allow things to unite and come together. Show self-love at every opportunity. Dispel any doubts about my essentially loving nature and sense of connectedness to the universe at large. Go deeper where I can.

3: Underpinning: the Knight of Swords

Quick code: Knight (movement, velocity, courage, daring) of Swords (Air, ideas, intellect, mentality)

Now, this I loved, and it came through to me with a really clear meaning. I have (always had) an outrageously optimistic and calculative nature when it comes to ideas about life and for the future. I come up with ideas about what’s possible and they might be completely unrealistic – however by following them some kind of benefit or traction usually results. If I had been at times tempted to abandon this and “grow up” the message here is to embrace that side of me more fully, my mental agility, my outlandish view of possibility, as it is the basis for the whole reading – and if you look at the potentially flourishing outcomes of the Chariot and King of Wands, you can see how these flashes of inspiration and deploying my mental force to the full – even when it seems foolhardy and a bit nuts – is critical and possibly a trigger for magic.

Crowley quotes Legge on a related i-ching hexagram as: “continually acting out the law of one’s being” – this is radically relevant to me entering a new decade, learning the truth of myself and trying to weave this through my days to build a life that’s truly mine. Action towards authentic living.

Takeaways: honour your wildest ideas. Run with those crazy calculations of what’s possible – magic lies within. My success is resting on my ability to adjust my mindset in stupendous ways. Act on as many ideas as possible and make my will a reality.

[Edit – I did this before realising that the Knight for Crowley takes the place of the King; so here are some extra thoughts from his analysis of the Prince of Swords which equates to the Knight in other decks (goes to show I am still learning! but I would hold on to any meanings given as being meant to be seen). For Crowley this force is the airy part of air, floating untethered in the mind – that much is similar to what I’ve noted above. A multitude of ideas without a definite purpose. There’s an immense flexibility in ideation, elusive and difficult to pin down – fortunately there are other forces in the spread, the Emperor, the Ace of Pentacles, and the King and Queen of Wands – that offer grounding and purpose with which to temper all the freely bouncing ideas.

4: Recent past: the Nine of Cups (Happiness)

Quick code: 9 (fulfilment of the suit) of Cups (Water: emotions, creativity & spirituality)

I’m struggling to grasp the meaning of this but I suppose in some ways I did briefly have a kind of carefree window of everything I needed, leading up to my birthday. I had come a long way in preparation for turning 40 that did give me a great sense of satisfaction and overflowing – a lot of positive things I made happen or cleared the way for, that could easily have not happened. I felt loved and overflowing with possibility, and as if things can only continue improving. There was no threat of returning to the bad old days whatsoever, and maybe the absence of fear or darkness is what happiness represents here.

5: Higher force/higher self or possible outcome: The Chariot

Quick code: Success, forward momentum, power of the Will to chart or direct a course, ego.

I love the Chariot in this position because it implies victory and swift developments in whatever you choose to tackle or apply yourself to. It’s a reminder that there’s a place for the ego in applying your Will in a determined fashion to practical, real-world matters; success in an earthly sense, what you will and will not allow or stand for. In this position I would take this as confirmation of real-world capabilities and that success and gratification is possible, although at times it requires a bit of strain to hold all the opposing forces within us in balance. There is great potential in this year to move things forward rapidly in a direction of my choosing.

6. Near future: The Emperor

Quick code: Masculine energy, authority, stability

For me, the Emperor is about authority, power and laying down the law. This could be learning about my own power, or the power of other influences over me; it could well be about learning the inescapable “rules” of who I am and how I have to function in the world in order to survive and achieve stability. It could signal the rise of a stabilising force or (in combination with the Chariot above) the idea of taking up the reins of my own authority over my life. It signifies the importance of finding my place and power in relation to the wider world; I’d expect this to become a major theme in the year ahead.

7. Self: The World

Quick code: completion, unity, wholeness, arrival

The World is about the ultimate awareness of and unity of our material and spiritual oneness; the final combining of all the dualities and acceptance of our ultimate nature as both real (in a Real World sense) and divine. It’s such a lovely blessing to have this card as Me in the first year of the new life I’ve been building. There are no real struggles or “difficult” cards in this whole spread – the Emperor maybe – but on the whole it’s one uninterrupted movement towards an emerging sense of purpose (the fire partners about to come up in this final line) and embracing myself, as myself, at my most powerful, successful, and whole.

8. Environment: Queen of Wands

Quick code: Queen (Feminine energy, grace, intuition, incorporation of energy) of Wands (Fire, action, purpose, creativity, passion)

In the Fountain deck, the Wands (fire) Court cards are dancers. The Queen of Wands dances through life with joy and appreciation for all it holds. She has the protection of a black cat and a sun halo. There is a directness about her. In the Environment position, this feels like an invitation to the Dance; everything around me is tending towards greater purpose and enjoyment of life itself, promoting confidence and a release from worries and self-doubt.

9. Hopes and Fears or Suggested Action: Ace of Coins

Quick code: Ace (a gift, starting energy, something appearing from nowhere) of Coins (Earth, practicalities, stability, real-world/manifest reality)

The Ace of Coins is a gift from the universe, in a practical sense or in daily life. It’s all too easy to see the Ace of Coins as a financial windfall (money from the sky!) but that’s quite a narrow interpretation; especially in this position where it’s something emanating from or chosen by the subject as an influence on the final goal. So far I have interpreted this as choosing to see the luck in things, staying open and being receptive to the blessings that are coming. I am both hoping for good fortune, unexpected twists of fate and aid from outside - and to some extent dependent on them to turn my Queen of Wands into the mastery and boundless assuredness of the King.

10. Outcome: King of Wands

Quick code: King (completion, accomplishment, leadership, assurance) of Wands (Fire, action, purpose, creativity, passion)

Again, dancing through life, the King of Wands is a great outcome. As a card it represents the furthest point you can reach in terms of pursuing your life purpose, chasing down your passion, embracing your enthusiasm for living and knowing your place in the world. I would love all these things to develop over the next year. I think the question mark here, because of where the Chariot has appeared, is – can I see beyond my ego’s success, my attachment to earthly achievement, and embrace the invitation to passion that surrounds me (Queen of Wands) and both recognise and agree to be led by the opportunities that appear (Ace of Coins) in order to reach this other level of success and sense of purpose?

Takeaways:

· Love like you know how, find the affinities, both superficial and lasting, within yourself and outside.

· Wishful thinking and mental agility are strengths this year. Keep generating those outlandish ideas, but remember that acting on as many of them as possible is key.

· A great understanding of your passion and place is available over the course of the year

· There isn’t anything negative here at all – you’re being supported, trust the process, the way is out there for you to find

· Embrace the opportunities that appear for best results even if (/especially when) they push you in new directions – part of what’s necessary this year is sheer luck. Don’t miss it, it’s there.

Bottom of the deck: 6 of Swords

Quick code: this is an interesting one because the 6 of Swords has that instant meaning of a departure, rescue, or leaving the past behind for new lands. The quick code would be 6 (Success) of Swords (Air, ideas, intellect, mentality) suggesting that the greatest success in terms of our own thoughts (where rumination leads to this entrapment and self-directed attack) is where our thoughts align to allow us the clarity to move on.

I think it’s fair to say that I see this year as a departure so I’m not surprised to see this on the bottom of the deck (I always check the bottom for how it chimes with what I’m essentially feeling in the moment). This is one of my favourite cards in the Fountain deck as the water is my favourite colour – I love the message too.

Anne Sumner 12/03/2021 Anne Sumner 12/03/2021

Change for Good?

I’ve been on a health/weight-loss kick since the start of the year (not my first time! and I expect I’m not alone here). I’ve been doing Noom and while I’m not going to share Noom’s tips and tricks here I will say it’s well worth the money - I have never enjoyed losing weight so much or lost it so consistently - or been able to maintain a calorie deficit for so long so uninterruptedly.

I feel like I was just “ready” this time - there could be lots of reasons for this, including that the isolation of Lockdown and being left alone to my own thoughts and values actually resulted in me seeing how much I wanted to change. I was granted a blessed, almost unbelievable amount of acceptance out there in my work, among my friends, in public, but actually what I was doing wasn’t good enough for me and in the end I felt I had no choice but to change. Being on my own so much made that crystal clear and inescapable. So notwithstanding that I’ve had an eating disorder for most of my life and been treated and lost and regained weight and undergone every kind of disastrous failure when trying to attempt this in the past, I really believe it’s still achievable and that I’ve made irreversible changes (I’m about 13% of the way towards my ultimate goal) because this time it was so internally motivated and part of a much wider process of willing my life to be how I’d like it to be.

I’ll share some of my own meal hacks etc. as we go along - strong as the will may be, the logistics of ensuring a calorie deficit are the same puzzle they always were - but the biggest success factor for me has been this:

My body’s needs from food are only part of what I use food for.

My relationship with food has been so major and involved, with all my daily routines, much of my mood and much of my thinking absorbed in it. It’s dictated how I use my time, how I feel, what I allow myself to do, for as long as I can remember and it has overshadowed almost every other form of pleasure. But really, my body only needs so much food, it’s only designed to deal with so much food, and that amount will never change no matter how I feel - so while I’m not saying it’s not normal to enjoy food and use it to an extent as comfort, celebration, and reward, it doesn’t deserve this supreme overarching role. It doesn’t deserve to be my first (mmm well brunch though… ;) ) last and every waking thought. It’s fuel, plus a bit of what you fancy. So all that other space it was taking up is my life and time to do other things with.

It feels odd to say that I’m allowing the role of food to diminish.

I felt quite lonely to start with.

I’m still in the process of working out what else in my life I can build stronger relationships with in its place.

I’ve realised I can start using my Gemini nature to keep me from getting too obsessed in any one direction. Being naturally interested in a wide variety of things, hobbies and learning come easily and adding new things is never the problem (adding too many at once might be!) So in the aftermath of the one true obsession I did have, I’m finding there’s a natural attention span to activities and tasks and that I’ll naturally flow between them. A richer life all round? That’s probably why I can’t see myself going back to being who I was. The role my eating played is no longer necessary; it’s run its course, and although all my life I wished things were different, I’m now enjoying what I’m learning from the process of change so much that I’m grateful for the chance to go through it. It’s an adventure I would never have had otherwise.