2021 Roadtrip I, Chapter I

I love nothing more than to take off for the day, weekend, week, however long. Set out at dawn and watch the sunrise through the mist from the road, enjoying the space on the roads before it gets busy. I love multi-stop day-trips where I just wander and pick destinations at random depending on where I am. I have no idea, really, why I love it so much, and it’s very hard to put into words what I gain from it. I’m a solitary person and there’s something about interacting with places and seeking out the beauty, something about finding my spot in the great world outside, that makes me feel free and alive and connected - even though I’m distancing myself from the life that supplies most of my identity. Maybe it is the principle that you can belong nowhere and everywhere. The continual motion and at the same time providing the chance to just stop and take in a scene for a while, to disturb the incessant movement of the everyday. I thought repainting some of these scenes here might help me hold on to them and learn from them a little bit more.

One of the the things I’ve been asking for is a place to sit, quietly, by the water, and contemplate. Yesterday seemed to be all about that. On my way back to the car after a ramble all around an unfamiliar town, I found a little grove right down by the edge of a river, complete with sturdy tree trunks to sit and write on, spring blossom reflected in the water and the slow surge of a minor waterway on a calm sunny morning. It was a little way from the path, the perfect place to hide myself away, watch the water, write, and read. I don’t know why this is so important to me. There’s something about that process of writing, getting new ideas from what I’ve read, trying to work out ways that I can change internally - my soul is on a journey, my physical life a mystery of unexplained joys and disasters, I have not yet mastered myself as a portrayal of what guides me spiritually. So many mistakes. So much longing for change. In these peaceful places, a temporary home built in a grove just for a pondering seeker, I was able to challenge, release and recognise a little more of what I am.