Uncertainty

I am not the queen of calm in uncertain times, to say the least.

I take pride in being less risk-averse than my parents, but it’s a meagre accolade.

HOWEVER,

Last year I did something I rarely do, and made a gut decision, overnight, to move house.

Leave my beloved flatmate and my home of 7-plus years and go out on my own.

Not because I had a particular reason, but because it felt instinctively like the right thing to do. Even though it was the hardest thing at the time.

And one thing led to another and I developed a strange feeling of being led. Nothing was the way I had thought it was. Everything was up for grabs. Everything was more beautiful, more comforting, more amenable in this new place than I’d ever have imagined. My anxieties melted. I embraced the feeling of not knowing what the future held, in the belief that what it held was better than what I could have possibly imagined.

So… I quit my job too. For good reasons but not really knowing what I would do, only an inkling.

And a month later here we are and the entire world is not what it was. 140+ countries reporting cases of a new virus. Official advice against all international travel. Half the world working from home. A world I could never in my wildest dreams have foreseen. Testing, uncertain times for pretty much everyone. And yet here and there, opportunities. Time. Ways to show solidarity. New definitions of humanity. Love. The ultimate test of a belief not quite faded.